What Am I Writing About?

As I continue exploring the foundational questions about my writing, I arrive at the content question. What? Under the umbrella of ‘what’ comes other sub-questions to focus down to the details.

Fiction or non-fiction? For now, fiction. The creative process fiction demands is what I enjoy and what challenges me. Can I develop a story and create characters that will be interesting enough to keep you turning pages? If inspiration were to hit on a non-fiction project, I would be fine with it. Just not sure what that would be. Thought a book about fatherhood may be something I could get passionate about.

In fiction, what lane will I chose? There are many genres, and it seems the publishing world wants to categorize everything written. Guessing my work will be considered drama. People are interesting to me. I love writing emotion laced dialog. I see life through the relationships around us. It’s what gives our lives context and purpose.

Part B of this question brings me back to the topic I tackled a few posts ago, Christian or secular with Christian themes? Not sure how this will play out. I have two stories in the works. The one nearest completion would not likely be a fit for either Family Christian Bookstore or Barnes & Noble. Still working on this dilemma.

What topics/themes will I focus on? I think this will be varied. Thus far my main character in both stories are facing an inner-battle, something unknown by those around them, even those close. We see people, listen to people, watch people behave; but, so much of what we are able to witness is being driven by an inner struggle or something from their past that we are unaware of as we watch. This is fascinating. Add to this, my faith journey and subsequent perspective on behavior, purpose, redemption and the like. My themes will flow accordingly.

Growing up as a PK (preacher’s kid), I have a unique perspective on the church and the pastorate. Further, I’ve been close to a number of pastors through the years. I think I am uniquely qualified to get inside their heads a bit. Pastor Eon Riley, in my first story, gives us a taste. I can see much more of this in future work.

So that is my ‘what’ story. What is your ‘what’ story? What do you find fascinating in the world around you where others may not notice? What are you uniquely qualified to talk about with authority in an article or non-fiction book? How have your experiences given you a perspective to develop a fictional story and characters that are both interesting and revealing about our world? Explore. Create. Give us something exceptional that could only come from you.

To Whom Am I Writing?

The ‘Who’ question is a bit tougher, more nebulous than the ‘why’. Thoughts about why I want to write energize me. Thoughts about who I am writing to leave me unsure, which cause me to hesitate. I think part of the problem here is back to the question a few posts ago. Am I writing in the Christian box? If so, let me explain how that makes me feel, a feeling I bet many Christian ‘creatives’ can relate to instantly:

As expressed earlier, I want to write because I believe I have a gift from God. I believe God doesn’t just want me to use this gift, he expects me to use this gift … why else would he give it. Right? So, I have a gift from God he expects me to use. Great. Part 2, and as explained in my ‘why’ post, I’m to use my gifts (and you are to use yours) to inspire transformational change in others — said in “Christian-ese“, I’m to move people towards the Kingdom of God. In this case as a writer,  I’m to inspire my readers this way. They are my ‘who’. Hope you are tracking with me so far, because here comes the conundrum.

If I accept the label as “Christian writer”, for the most part, only Christians will read my work. The proverbial ‘preaching to the choir’. How do I use my gift to inspire transformational change towards Christ, if the only people who will read my books are already believers? I would love to sit down with Christian musicians & song writers to talk about this paradox. They give us beautiful music, inspiring lyrics, which could be so effective in stirring powerful life-changing momentum to the lost & burdened soul, but they are not listening. Their station is not playing those songs, because they are “Christian” and therefore found only down the dial. Instead, they listen to songs written by other lost burdened souls, looking for something to hope in. I’d bet Christian artists have similar questions about their “who”.

I want to write interesting, funny, emotional stories my audience can get lost in because the characters are relatable.  How do I write such stories for an audience, a ‘who’, of lost souls looking for hope and needing Jesus?  Do I forgo the “Christian” label, write secular stories, but couch the “Jesus stuff” in there somewhere subtly? Jesus spoke in parables after all. Not sure this honors my gift. Or, do I accept the reality that my ‘who’ are Christians, and thus tweak my stories to nudge them along in their spiritual journey? These two options leave me wanting. Both sound like an unsatisfactory regression from the purpose the gift was given. Betting I’m not alone …

 

WHY … is Lefty Writing?

I’m now getting into the weeds of the “Authors” course I’m taking through Bob Goff . We’re exploring the BIG questions, the foundational blocks of any meaningful endeavor. Thus, in my next few posts, I’ll share some thoughts about why, who, and how the process of writing is now grabbing my attention. Perhaps the ideas will translate into whatever you are passionate about and exploring in a new way.

In considering “WHY?” I write or “WHY?” I am now exploring how to write for a greater audience, here is my short list:

• I write because I have a gift. First, I acknowledge this sounds arrogant. However, I’ve received enough feedback through the years to know its true. What I don’t know is whether I’m the guy who received five talents or two, when it comes to writing. To be determined … and only by way of laying my work at the feet of those who know the difference. Scary.
• I write to bring joy to my readers. For years, ‘my readers’ have been my family at our Christmas gathering, which officially makes them only ‘listeners’. My stories have been gifts to my girls. I wonder if this gift of joy can translate to a greater audience.
• I write to communicate what is true. From my view, the truth is getting more and more difficult to find in all noise around us. With God’s Word as my foundation, I hope my words will always speak truth, whether directly or couched in a work of fiction.
• I write because the creative process makes me come alive. It art still art, even if no one sees it? Is music, music if no one hears? Yes, I believe so. In writing, I am playing my part, doing what I am wired to do. This doesn’t change if no one chooses read the words I put together.

In class we explored how writing is personal, emotional, meaningful, purposeful, and transformational. The first two help me understand why sharing what I’ve written leaves me vulnerable. The last three explain why it is important that I do.

Universally, we’re called to use our gifts, our resources, and our hearts to make the world a better place. No one is exempt because we’re all gifted, all resourced, and we’ve all been burdened with a passion to fuel us. I will write to make people laugh, cry, and think about what is true. I will write to nudge transformational momentum in their lives, even if just a bit.

What are you passionate about? What is your unique gift(s)? Why has God gifted you and burdened you with a passion to explore it’s purpose? Will you leverage your gift to inspire transformational change in others, even if just a bit? Hope so.

Writing in the “Christian” Box

Writing is a challenge, one I love, but its work. I can spit out a thousand word  blog like this or a message to teach on a topic easy enough. Fiction though, can really bend my creative brain. When I get in the flow  it feels almost magical, writing just as fast as I can to keep up with the story rolling through my head like a movie. So fun. When I sit to write and I’m not in the flow, it can be grueling. Write a paragraph, then edit it until its unrecognizable, then delete it all.

I sit here today with this new goal, new commitment to myself, to complete a novel-like work of fiction to share with the world before the end of the year. Considering we are just days from June 1st, that will sound absurd, unless you know I already have two such stories well down the road. Time and word-count will not be my enemies.

Here is my challenge. I want to write for more than entertainment. As my new coach, Bob Goff,  would say … “writing should be transformational.” Because I’m a follower of Jesus, I believe a couple important things. One, my ability to write is a gift from God. Two, the purpose of my gift is to impact (transform) his Kingdom in some unique way. In other words, my writing should stir people to consider a relationship with Jesus; encourage Christians to take a positive step in their faith journey; help the reader see God in a new way that provides clarity of truth … something.

Thus, I’m not just trying my hand at fiction, I’m attempting to write ‘Christian Fiction’. If this is my defined genre, what then are my parameters?  I have not found a list. However, this question leads to more questions. Questions that make me hesitate. Questions that are now stiffing the creative process. For example, I’m writing lines of dialog, and my main character is frustrated about some developments in his life, and thus I write dialog that flows from this emotion. I stop and look at the line, then I get this question rolling through my head, ‘Oh wait, can I use that word? It has four letters.’ I rewrite it using a more benign alternative. It’s not as good, but its safe. In my mind, the scene is now diluted, sanitized. My next thought. ‘Damn‘ … See the problem?

And, this issue of constraint isn’t just about choosing between a ‘bad’ word and a catchy euphemism … its goes far deeper, Daggummit! The questions continue when applying sin problems or addictions to characters. The constraints emerge again when trying to figure the end of the story — doesn’t it all have to work out for the good guys, or should I say the God guys in the end?

I recall the harsh criticism Amy Grant received from the good church folks after an album release; too secular, watered-down. just trying to ‘cash in’ with feel-good songs. Thus, as a “Christian” writer, I feel pressure to the walk the narrow path. The left ditch is not Christian enough, so you better work in a few more Bible verses or a church scene. Let’s have a Christian neighbor swing by to pray and encourage at just the right time. The right ditch, however, is too Christian, too preachy, and not real enough for the reader to take the story seriously. Story lines become predictable and ‘cheesy’.

From my view, given the options, most fiction designated Christian falls right. Characters are shallow, lacking a realness we all want in a great story, and we pretty much know how its going to all work out a third of the way through. Its safe. Its fine, but its no wonder the audience is limited. Here is the next question then: does most Christian fiction fall this way because of fear of the religious backlash if its deemed too secular or is it fear of dishonoring their gift if their story isn’t sermonizing in some decipherable way?

Now that I’ve painted a clearer picture of this box I’ve stepped into, imagine trying to use Christian fiction to tackle a divisive social issue facing the church today or a topic that divides us down theological lines. Bet Jerry Jenkins received a mountain of criticism for his portrayal of Biblical ‘end times’ in his Left Behind series.  The good church folks can be a tough crowd. ‘Those negative opinions are irrelevant‘ you say, but don’t forget those voices come from the already limited audience I’m choosing … if I set out to be a ‘Christian Storyteller’. I don’t need everyone to love what I write. Not everyone will. I’m exploring these questions because I need to navigate this box. I need to find creative freedom as well as my purpose for stringing these words together just so.

On one hand, we can all agree these questions and concerns are all extremely premature. Sure. I mean no one is critiquing my work yet. For that matter, only six people will read this blog. However, to the degree the questions impact my voice, my perceptions about my expected reader, and the ‘why?’ behind the investment into my gift, they matter. To the degree these questions hamper my creativity and cause ‘religious editing’ during the process, they matter a great deal. I understand why many Christians who write (or Christians who paint or make music) do not promote themselves as “Christian Writers” (or artists or musicians). Stewing on this one.

 

Is Lefty Writing?

If my blog is called “Lefty is Writing” and I haven’t posted here in too many months to count (again), it begs the question: is Lefty writing? In short, Lefty is writing … I just haven’t been writing here. So once again, this preamble, a commitment to return more regularly, and a heartfelt “Thank you!” to all (four of) my fans for your patience and unwavering support 😉

I remember my first post. I remember being terrified to hit “publish”, knowing everyone out there could read the words I strung together. A few posts in and thanks to Word Press and their depressing dashboard of statistics, I quickly realized no one was reading; save my mother, mom-in-law, daughter (at least one of them), and my lovely, loyal, supportive wife. This taught me two things: I am blessed with very good women in my life and if I was going to write for a greater audience, I actually had to let someone in the ‘greater audience’ know I existed. 

Thus, I identified a target audience, wrote for them, then sounded the trumpet … which is my case was teasing the posts on Facebook & Twitter, along with a link.  Each week I posted. Each week I watched the the stat dashboard. I hit double-digits a few times, so there is that … Through the process I learned two more lessons, these about ‘sharing’ writing: it’s very personal, leaving me vulnerable, and therefore terrified. It’s very personal, leaving me vulnerable, and therefore painful when so few choose to read. All part of the process.

This post is simply an announcement: Lefty is writing indeed. I’m afraid of criticism and judgment. I’m more afraid of disinterest. Still, God has given me this pen, and I intend to put it to paper (and share). I have two works of fiction already in process. I’m committing to making at least one of them available to the world before the calendar calls 2020 to a close.

Assisting me on this journey is a gifted author, speaker, man of positive influence, and my self-proclaimed “Sherpa”, Bob Goff. I have enrolled in his online author’s course, through which I am about to embark. I will use this course to propel my fiction. I will use this blog to discuss my creative journey. 

Just wanted you, my ‘faithful four’ … and the rest of the world, to know.

Before You Go … #8

Chapter 8: Be A Participant, Not A Consumer. Your personality will dictate your response to this chapter, encouraging you to get involved, to find Christian community.

If you are outgoing and like being active, this is ‘duh, who wants to sit in their room?‘. However, for the more introverted or laidback who wait for the action to come there way, this chapter can hit a nerve in a very positive way.

Should you go into the fall with a ‘wait and see’ attitude, or worse, a ‘wait until next semester or next year’ plan, you may unwittingly put yourself at risk. Typically a ‘wait until later’ plan flows from the fear of being too busy with classes/homework to get involved in anything. Admirable as that may sound, the logic is likely unfounded. The reality is often just the opposite. College life provides much more free time and flexibility in your schedule than you likely anticipate. If you have been accustom to a very busy high school regiment with sports teams, demanding classes, music, dramas, GSM, part time job, and all, the pace of college will surprise.

Consider that you will be in class only a third of the time as high school; and, unless you will be a varsity athlete, the 15-20 hours a week you have been giving to your sports team (or music or drama or _______ ) is freed up too. Most freshman have only 15-18 hours of the whole week firmly scheduled. The rest will be for you to do as you wish. Here is a recipe for potential trouble:

• More free time than ever
• + More freedom to choose than ever (no curfew, no helicopter parent)
• + More entertainment options
• = Choosing less than God’s best

Instead, fill some of those hours doing something productive. Get involved. In Gerald’s word “participate” is something worthwhile, don’t just consume Netflix, beer, and video games … I promise that path is much easier to slide down than you realize.

Let me suggest you commit to participate in these three ways – every week:

1. Passion-area activity (on campus). If you love sports, play club or intermural. If you play an instrument, find a band, ensemble, or place to play. Every college has opportunities for many passion areas. Commit to getting off the couch.
2. Serve. Find a place where you are giving time & energy to serve others in a tangible way. This will enable you to stay focused on God’s best, stay humble, and stay outward-focused (it’s SO easy to get completely self-centered in college).
3. Feed your spirit. Find Christian community; a CRU club, a Bible study, a worship night at a local church, a great Sunday morning church option. Find a place to feed you truth, connection, and fellowship.

Any steps you can take to get this plan in place before you walk onto campus the better. If you cannot plan ahead, know this, the first couple weeks on campus are absolutely critical in establishing this pattern. Again, don’t allow yourself a lazy ‘I’ll get to it later’ choice, while falling into an early pattern of consuming parties and Netflix bingeing. Start participating the moment you walk onto campus. Investigate Christian community now, link up with other Christians within days of arrival. Plan. Decide. Act. And, when you do, you’ll find other active-participants to befriend, which will put you miles ahead of the consumers finding other couch-consumers to sit with all night.

The slacker craves, yet gets nothing, but the soul of the diligent is fully satisfied.

Proverbs 13:4

Before You Go …. #7

Chapter 7: “Generosity Starts Small” is Gerald Fadayomi’s next nugget for your step from High School and the world you know to college and the world waiting for you. I love the truth in this chapter and I love how it pairs with Chapter 6 on praying for others. Whether we’re praying for friend, or giving that same friend help with their broken-down car or the ten bucks in our pocket to get some needed food, we’re giving. Our posture is looking out and forward to be a blessing to those around us. This encouragement to give is, in my opinion, one of the keys to a joyful life. Or, said in context of this book/post, one of the most significant keys to your successful launch into college.

If asked to name the “keys to a happy (or successful or meaningful or wonderful) life”, my big three are ‘be generous’ … ‘be grateful’ … ‘put relationships 1st’ … I’d debate my big three with anyone’s; with Biblical support and personal experience.

When we give our time, our ideas, our encouragement, our money, our smiles; we align our spirit with the Spirit of God. We immediately take a step towards God, towards our purpose, towards fulfilling his plan for us. Here is where Gerald’s ‘starts small’ matters. Our ultimate purpose for being put on this earth will be revealed in God’s time, probably over a lifetime. However, I can already tell you a big part of what it will look like. It will require you to give, give deeply. It will require a sacrifice beyond what you would guess you are capable of today. Said another way, without a strong and developed generosity muscle Gerald references in this chapter, where giving becomes natural and even preferable to you … you will NEVER fully realize God’s plan for your life. God’s plan is all about you giving away what he has given you. It’s true for us all. It’s been true through all of human history. Scary? Sure. So what do we do? Give. Start small. Feed your soul through the process. In response, the Holy Spirit will begin a work inside to move you forward towards the amazing life God has prepared, where you give until it hurts, then he fills you with even more.

Now, be honest with yourself. Really honest. Does this sound appealing to you? If it doesn’t today, don’t sweat it. You haven’t failed God or his grand plan for life. You simply need to activate the process. Start small, give small. Example: never tithed? Give God three bucks from that thirty you earned babysitting this week. Example: send one text a day to someone in your contacts, just to encourage them or tell them you appreciate them. Give where you are not today and/or give a little more where you are already comfortable giving. AND in your heart, pray regularly that God will transform you into a joyful, generous giver.

Need a bit of motivation? Here are a few additional consequences of being an active giver. As these become more and more true in your life, your ‘want to’ will increase.

Five benefits of giving away what God has given you:

• “Stuff” (money, clothes, car, etc) takes it’s proper place … behind what matters most, behind the people God has placed proximate to your life.
• We hold on to this stuff more loosely, gaining perspective on its limitations to generate joy & peace in our lives.
• Our faith activates: when we give as God has called us to, we are acting in faith that “God will supply all our needs, according to his glorious riches …” Phil 4:19
• This process creates gratitude in our hearts: we are grateful we have something to contribute, we are grateful we have somewhere to contribute, we are grateful God, in his faithfulness, will replenish our pockets and hearts (to give more).
• When we are faithful to give what we can, even if we don’t think its much, we get to hold firmly to the promise Jesus described in the parable of the talents. ” … you have been faithful with a few things, I will make you ruler over many things …” Matt 25:21

Back to your looming transition to college. Are you anxious about being liked & making friends? To some level all of you are. Because of it, each of you will arrive on a campus where fear & anxiety will be rampant, especially those early weeks. If you walk your floor with an activated generosity muscle, with a posture to give/encourage/help, you will be a people-magnet and find meaningful community. And, you will learn again that it is indeed better to give than receive. I promise.

Before You Go … #6

In Gerald Fadayomi’s Before You Go, Chapter 6 is titled “Pray for Strangers“. Here the encouragement is to take seriously the charge in 1 Thessalonians 5 to ‘pray without ceasing’, which on the surface sounds impossible, even kind of ridiculous. However, Gerald outlines the principle as an effective way to both keep us on a growth path spiritually and to make significant positive impact on the people around us, even strangers.

One of the things I’ve picked up on in talking with high school seniors and college students is how self-absorbed they can be. Now I realize this is not only true of students, as we an all suffer from the self-centered affliction at every stage in life. Still, it seems to be a season where it is particularly prevalent. Guessing this is true because there is some much change and so many things going on in your lives, plus the constant reminder from those close to you that your are supposed to be figuring out where what you are going to do after high school, what you want to be when you ‘grow up’, and the thousand details that come with maneuvering through this last semester, graduation, and on to your next step. It’s a lot. It all comes with anxiety, emotional swings, and uncertainly. We can all give you a ‘pass’ of sorts on being a bit absorbed with your life, but that doesn’t mean it’s best or even healthy for you.

Praying for strangers may seem like a silly way to deal with your anxiety, and perhaps this is the first chapter in this book that doesn’t seem to fit the theme of preparing for college (or whatever is next). Trust me, it does. Here is why.

Think about your posture in life when you are comfortable, spiritually solid, and feeling your best; by your posture I mean the way you approach what’s in your life. I know many of you are kind, friendly, generous, and show love to the people around you. As young followers of Jesus, that makes sense because you are attached to the vine. The Spirit of God is in you producing love, joy, peace, patience, and the rest. Think of this posture as hands open, leaning in, looking for ways to give, serve, and contribute.

Now think about times when you are full of stress & anxiety, you are distracted by frustrating issues in your life, and you are afraid about what is coming. How’s your posture? Picture arms crossed, leaning back, making sure you are not being taken advantage of or look like a fool to those around. Your first instinct is to hold back, protect, and get defensive.

When we get too self-absorbed by life, particularly when we are anxious, our human nature is to close off and protect. But, that isn’t the best version of you. It isn’t who God created you to be. Praying for others, for strangers, is a very practical way to push ourselves back into the health posture that God has called us to, and that we like best about ourselves. And, the cool thing is that this in only a side benefit of this practice.

First and foremost, we pray because there is power in prayer, especially our prayers for others. And, we pray to lift those around us. When you see a friend at school or GSM who’s posture would suggest stress, fear, frustration. Pray. And, as Gerald encourages, go to them and ask what you can pray for. It will lift them. It will help pull them back into the posture most healthy for their walk. Want to take it one more step? When they tell you their need, pray for them right there … out loud. Don’t worry about who’s looking or choosing the right words, just talk to God for your friend (or stranger). You can do it! And, it will mean the world to them. Plus it will change you, pulling you out of your self-absorbed mindset that is so easy to slip to when life gives us challenges.

Soon you will walk onto your new campus. How about preparing to do so with a posture of love, of generously giving to the strangers you meet, some of whom will soon be dear friends. Start today spending more time praying for others, even strangers, than reciting to God your list of wants & needs. You’ll bless them and you will ready to bless those at your next stop. Everyone at your new school will want a friend like that.

Before You Go … #5

Chapter 5 in Radayomi’s Before You Go is “Community Doesn’t Happen By Mistake.” Gerald provides a helpful caution in this chapter, starting with a letter from Madi acknowledging ‘college is hard’, even though it will likely be remembered as the best days of your life. It comes with some unique challenges for Christians because so much of the ‘entertainment’ options will be centered around hard-core partying. Making connections with new people and establishing a base of spiritual community for Christian freshman can indeed be difficult. The most challenging time for all new students is typically from the day you walk onto campus until you feel a connection and friendship beginning with a few proximate people. For freshman followers of Jesus, the challenge will continue until you find a pocket of Christians you feel can link up with on the journey.

Though most high school seniors recognize this reality and even have anxiety about it before they head off to school, I believe few put together a plan to bridge this gap of time quickly and confidently. Gerald gives us three keys to finding meaningful Christian community for believers heading off to college:

1. LOCATION: Seek out the Christian communities on and around your campus. I’ll take this one step further, seek them out before you leave for school. For example, is there a CRU chapter on your campus (or any of a dozen great Christian organizations functioning on many campuses)? Find them online. You should be able to click your way to a contact, a director or staff member. Connect with them now. “Follow” their page, like them on Instagram, whatever. Send them a message saying you’ll be a freshman in the fall and would like to be on their contact list. You are 200X more likely to make this Christian connection early if you establish a starting point before you pack your bags. You can also investigate churches close by, find one with a college ministry catering to students.
2. INTENTION: Gerald’s advice and reminder … don’t give up after one event or meeting. Decide ahead of time you will give it some time. Gerald suggests three months. Here is where the big decision comes … are you going to simply ‘go with the flow’, letting circumstances and whatever comes up direct your course, or are you going to choose which way you will walk towards community? You will find a group eventually, but what group you find will depend on which way your feet are pointed when you step onto campus. Sound familiar? So choose. Be intentional about seeking community that will uplift you and give you opportunity to flourish.
3. VULNERABILITY: Gerald’s simple, powerful reminder. Be you. Don’t put up a wall, then polish it into an insincere ‘image’ you think people will like because you are afraid they won’t like you, the real you. Instead, be you, and the people that you will want inside your circle of trust will like that much better than any image you portray. Those that don’t appreciate you, don’t belong in your inner circle.

The great thing about heading off to college is the opportunity to shed the labels, monikers, and reputation you’ve carried through high school. When you get to college, no one will care what your high school experience was like, nor will you care about there’s. It’s a unique chance to clean the slate and be the real & best version of you. Be intentional about this, which will mean swimming upstream at times when the current will call your you to ‘go with the flow’ and chose something less than God’s best … which of course, is less than your best. You’ll be glad you did.

Before You Go …. #4

Chapter 4: Learn to make new friends, now. Here Gerald encourages us to start practicing making connections with new people now, rather than just dreading the day you have to try making friends when you walk onto campus. Based on the conversations I’ve had with seniors the last many years, I completely agree that this fear of making friends is nearly universal among seniors thinking about starting college. This is particularly true of those going way without the security blanket of a buddy for a roommate.

I’ve heard many say things like “I’m just not good at making friends”, as if it’s some mysterious gift you either have or you don’t. Though true, it may come easier for some than others, it’s more like catching a ground ball than throwing a 98 MPH fastball. Some ballplayers have naturally soft hands and good coordination. For them, grounders are easy. However, we can all learn to be competent at fielding a ground ball … conversely, only those truly gifted from the baseball gods can throw 98. Making friends is fielding grounders, so let’s get perspective. You can do this.

Keeping it simple, here are three easy ways to get to beyond the first step. After all, if you can get started, steps two, three, and four get easier:

1. Smile & make eye contact: You sit down in the first day of class or in an orientation session. Everyone is scared, wondering how to survive these early days. When someone glances your way, look them in the eye and smile. Easy-peasy. If they hesitate and smile back, move to #2. If they look away disinterested, glance around and look for someone else to smile at. Sound dumb? Try it.
2. Be assertive: if you get even the slightest hesitation, even the hint of a grin in return, make an assertive greeting. I may say, “Hey, I’m Matt, how are you doing?” If it’s a guy, I would likely extend a hand to shake, but that’s me, I’m a hand-shaker. If you just sat down in Intro to Econ 101, you can say, “are you an econ major?’ Find something about where you are, what you are doing, to initiate a bit of chit-chat. Even if you get nothing but a name and twenty seconds of talk, your radar will tell you if this is someone who you may want to connect with. If it is, next time you see him/her, make a point to say hi again, ideally remember their name. Write it down.
3. Ask them about them: People are not really interested in you, they’re interested in them. People are most comfortable talking about themselves. So, a little trick in making personal connections is simply to have three or four questions in your pocket to get people talking about their lives. Could be as simple as your version of the question, “So, what are you into?” Or, ask about where they are from. If they are wearing a volleyball or an Ohio St shirt, ask about it. It doesn’t really matter, just get them talking about them. Listen, smile, stay engaged, and genuinely take an interest in what they are saying (this is the key – nothing worse than getting asked a question, but realizing the person asking doesn’t care about your response). And why not be genuinely interested? After all, you’re trying to decide if you want to pursue a friendship with them. If you will do this, I guarantee an hour later they’ll be texting their mom, ‘I met the guy sitting next to me in class … he was soooo nice.’

Okay, finally, back to Gerald’s point … practice making friends now. If fact, practice at GSM, no safer space to get to work on your connection-making skills. Field a hundred grounders a day for three months, and you’ll be scooping them up without even thinking about it. Practice friendly assertiveness and taking a genuine interest in people, and in time the awkwardness will dissipate. Imagine going off to school comfortable breaking the ice and making personal connections; you’ll be miles ahead of those running down your new dorm hall. They’ll be grateful you connect with them, since so many of them will be ill-prepared to reach out to you. You got this.